By now you all know that the Pope has quit! WOW! That’s huge news. Pope Benedict the – how many Pope Benedicts have there been now? … oh yeah, 16 – he’s the first Pope to quit since Pope Gregory the 12 – man, what’s with re-using the same few names all the time? How about some originality: Pope TuPak, Pope Wiggens, Pope Goes-the-Weasel.
And that’s my point today. There’s a job opening! Which means there’s an opening for something new and exciting to rally the troops (nobody mention the Crusades, okay?). The Catholics have a once-in-a-lifetime … well, this will be the 7th Pope in my lifetime … anyway, it’s a rare opportunity to change it up.
We can have our first black Pope – if you don’t count Pope Victor the 1st from Africa.
Or we can have our first female Pope – if you don’t count the legendary Pope Joan from the 11th century.
We can have the first married Pope – if you don’t count St. Peter, St. Hormisdas, Adrian the 2nd, John the 17th, or Clement the 4th.
Hey – we can have the first Gay Pope – if you don’t count Paul the 2nd, Sixtus the 4th, Leo the 10th, Julius the 3rd, and God knows how many others.
Well, we’ve had at least 2 Popes who were teenagers, and at least one in his 90s. At least 3 Popes were the sons of Popes, and another was a Pope’s brother. One – John the 12th – wasn’t even a priest when he became Pope. There was even a French Pope once!
Hmmm… seems the Catholic Church has been pretty open-minded, after all. Which is why my resume will be in the mail this afternoon.